By Joel Thurtell
I owe you all a big apology.
Last month, with lots of fanfare that included a couple blog columns, I announced that I was running for President of the United States of America.
And then I forgot all about it!
Can you believe that?
I can.
But really, how irresponsible of me to seek the highest office in the land and then go on to other things as if being President were not important to me!
Of course it is!
Of course I want to be your President!
So I promise not to forget any more.
I don’t know what happened.
I think it was all those essays I had to edit from General Grant’s sentry on why General Grant was so dead-set against social networking.
You know about that, right?
How General Sherman was after General Grant to be Facebook friends and General Grant was too savvy to get involved?
General Grant got burned by that Facebook rumor about his drinking problem, which he didn’t really have, I believe.
But I digress.
See how easy it is for me to get off message?
I drive my handlers crazy!
Hey, where did all my handlers go?
I’ll be back in a minute to finish this apology.
But right now I need to find my campaign manager and see how my SUPERPAC is going.
We’re gonna suck up a whole bunch of money —
Oops!
I mean, my SUPERPAC that has no connection to me is going to pull in lots dough that we — oops! — Sorry, not me, but my SUPERPAC, will use to beat up on my opponents.
Then I’m gonna see if I can get to be friends with General Grant on Facebook.
If General Grant endorses me, how can I lose?
I’ll be back with my first stump speech real soon.
Promise!
