A “progressive” tax

By Rich Sob

JOTR Fat Cat

I don’t make any excuse. I’ve got lots of money.

More than I could possibly spend.

And I want more.

But know what I REALLY want?

Two things: no more class war, and a progressive income tax.

My Republican friends will think I’m nuts, but there it is.

So call me a Democrat.

I want more money.

I don’t care if I have to take it from some poor schmoe who doesn’t have two nickels to rub together.

I’ll gladly relieve them of their one last nickel.

A nickel here, a nickel there…

It adds up.

Besides, they’d just spend it on booze or cigarettes, right?

Okay, liquor and smokes cost more than 5 cents.

But they wouldn’t waste their money if we followed my plan for making everybody rich.

Cut taxes on cigarettes and liquor, and they’d be dirt cheap.

Let the poor schmucks smoke and drink themselves into the grave.

The fewer poor people, the less we need welfare.

Cuts down on the Social Security payout, too. Dead people don’t collect.

My Republican friends are all too chicken to come out and say this is what they really want.

They’re afraid of seeming too mean and greedy.

It’s okay to be somewhat mean and greedy, but lots of people kind of blanch at seeming to want it all.

I don’t mind. I want those poor people outta here.

When they’re gone, who’ll be left?

Us rich SOBs.

That’s where my progressive tax comes in.

I do have a social conscience.

The lefties think a progressive tax soaks the rich and lets the poor off the hook.

I say, soak the poor and give it all to the rich.

Which is me and a few others with guts enough to say we want everything, not a drop or crumb left for the “less fortunate”.

I’d tax poor people 100 percent. That way, with no income, they couldn’t waste money on cigarettes and booze.

I’d levy zero taxes on rich guys and gals like me.

We know what to do with our money, so why take it away from us?

If we take all the money from the poor, what happens to them?

They’ll starve!

That’s the idea. They can’t go on starving forever, though.

At some point, our tax-induced famine will reduce the population of poor people through death.

If you want to get fancy, call it “attrition.”

Once the poor people have died off, who does that leave?

Us fat cats, that’s who.

Welcome to the classless society!

That’s what I call “progressive”!