Allah she wrote!

By Ray Judicata

JOTR Legal Expert

Those FBI files about the feds bumping off an imam in Dearborn make the fibbies look kind of, well, bad.

Some people might say the FBI acted like, you know, criminals.

What really bugs me, though, are the people saying the feds should have got medical help to the imam after they shot him scads of times, but instead they used a helicopter to transport a wounded attack dog to a veterinarian.

So what?

The bleeding hearts think the imam was a human being and deserved better treatment than a dog, even though the imam was a Muslim.

Some nut cases think ‘cause the dog was a dog and didn’t even have a religion — that we know of — that he didn’t deserve first-class treatment.

I say the fibbies shouldn’t have to answer these dumbass questions.

The dog was a federal dog. For all I know he has a doggone pension! The dog was an AGENT! The imam was a MUSLIM! He was ipso facto, as we legal experts say, a legitimate target, being, you know, a doggone IMAM.

The fibbies are the fibbies – let ‘em work in peace, for Christsake or for that matter in the name of Allah.

As in “Allah she wrote!” — hah-hah!

Pisses me off when people second-guess the FBI. They’re out there protecting our asses, keeping those Muslims off guard and making them know they will always be third-rate citizens in the good ol’ CHRISTIAN U S of A.

Now, as JOTR’s legal expert, I’m gonna give you my considered opinion: If I were the FBI, I’d not only have RESISTED turning over those Dearborn imam shooting files to the Detroit Free Press.

I wouldn’t have done it – flat out.

Let them fight me —  I mean, the FBI — in court.

If I lost in court, I’d have another card up my sleeve.

What I’d do, see, is rent a warehouse somewhere in Metro Detroit. I’d investigate the newsies for some murders committed by someone they maybe wrote about. I’d find some faint connection and charge them with, you know, whatever — TERRORISM!!!

If that didn’t stick, well, I’ve got the warehouse. I’d lure the newsies inside. Show them some flat-screen TV sets.

Little would the newshawks know that the TVs were “hot”.

Well, they might not REALLY be stolen. We’d just SAY they were stolen.

What the fuck difference does it make? For the purposes of our trick, it would amount to the same thing.

Our “trick” is a gimmick we legal experts call a STING.

Now, I know there are some cynics who call a STING something else.

ENTRAPMENT.

But there are legal tests for a sting, and we’ll make sure our sting passes ‘em. And if not, well, what judge would object to us nailing a stinking reporter? They’re as low as an imam, anyway.

Soon as the newsies look at those hot TVs, we nail their asses! We set off some diversionary explosions. Confuse ‘em. Unleash attack dogs. Corner ‘em.

If all goes well, they give up. We cuff ‘em and charge ‘em with dealing in stolen goods.

Nothing to do with TERRORISM, but nobody notices in all the ruckus.

That’s the real diversion: Take everybody’s mind off what the fibbies did.

We’d have the newsies fair and square, and that would be the end of their stupid investigation of us.

Now, there is one problem: The newsies will come into court with lawyers, and we might have some trouble. The law is after all the law in some cases when it can’t be avoided or subverted.

There is an antidote: No court for them.

How do you manage that?

Easy: Shoot the newsies.

Set off those diversionary bombs and make a lot of noise. Send in a bunch of attack dogs. In the chaos we shoot off lots of rounds and take out the reporters en masse.

Just say they shot first.

Oh yes, we’ll have some video cameras taking pictures, and we’ll point ‘em so they can’t quite show the “gun” in  our victim’s “hand.”

Very convenient, thanks to advance planning by the fibbies.

Then we get the FBI and Justice Department and Mike Cox to whitewash the shootings and say we were justified in knocking off these troublemakers.

So what if we medevac a dog and leave the humans dying on the ground?

Nobody will know, ‘cause we won’t tell ‘em.

If they ask for the paperwork, hey, we just lure ‘em to a warehouse and shoot ‘em.

End of story.

This is how we deal with people we don’t like. If we don’t like what you stand for, like, say, you’re a Muslim with ideas about setting up a separate Islamic state, kind of like what we want the Israelis to do with Palestine, why we’re gonna bring you down. Even if all you do is yackity-yack, nothing more.

Doesn’t matter to us. We don’t like you, we take you out.

Simple as that.

You’re a Muslim in this day and age, you got no rights.

Besides, who gives a shit about a Muslim, anyway?

That is what I would do, and that is my considered legal opinion.

I’ll be writing more about Law in the United States, but for now, that’s “Allah she wrote” – hah-hah! — from Ray Judicata, your JOTR Legal Expert.