By J. P. Tappet
JOTR Auto Writer
Got a funny feelin’ ’bout this Toyota mess.
Wonder if it ain’t another kinda bailout.
Comin’ out now that the feds, i.e., the Highway Traffic Safety Administration, cut a deal with Toyota back in the day to do some oddball counting when they heard ’bout runaway Toyotas.
Ya had yer slow runaways.
And ya had yer fast runaways.
Now, to the mind of J.P. Tappet, who’s been drivin’ cars n talking ’bout it fer nigh on sixty years, there ain’t much difference between a car outa control goin’ slow n a car outa control goin fast.
Cause the slow runaway, outa control, is gonna turn into a fast runaway outa control faster’n ya can say “crashed into a tree.”
So now that we know them feds n Toyota was in cahoots fer years (ya know what they say ’bout “figures don’t lie, but liars figure”) messin’ with data pointers, I just gotta ask this question:
Why is it we’re only hearin’ ’bout Toyota?
Toyota don’t wanta admit the problem is sunk deep in its electronics and computer workings, n they been holdin’ back. That is a given. It’s the kinda lyin’ n prevaricatin’ n bullshit promulgation we expect from corporations. Enybody knows that. But even them dim-witted feds know computers is where the trouble lies.
An’ that ain’t no lie.
But is Toyota the only carmaker that puts them fancy computers in its cars?
So why ain’t all these highly-paid investigatative jawboners at the New Yawn Times and the Lost Antlers Times lookin’ into them other carmakers?
Whaddaya mean, ME do it?
When I say “highly paid,” what I mean is they get a salary, even be it meager.
They get a ‘spense ‘count.
Which is more than good ol’ JOTR is payin’ the likes of J.P. Tappet, professional unpaid auto writer fer nigh on seventy years.
I say, let the newsroom guys n gals with paychecks uncover these things.
I jes point things out.
Fer free.
When ya don’t get paid, it pays to ask questions.
As them politicos say, back to script: Why jes’ beat up on Toyota?
My boss, the cheapskate what runs this joelontheroad.com (“com” don’t stan’ fer “commercial” or n “compensation”) blogged about his runaway car that near done ‘im in back in ’95.
Slow runaway that turned into a fast runaway.
Real fast.
Service people told his wife she was nuts.
Real fast.
Second time it happened, service people, kinda reluctant-like, took their brand-new car back.
Engineers looked under the hood.
Lo n behold, customers not such saps after all.
Bad ground.
Computer gettin’ wrong signals.
Whaddya get?
Runaway car.
Coulda killed somebody.
That there runaway was no Toyota.
It was a Windstar.
Made by Ford.
Computer in a car.
Big time problem.
Wonder if the feds know ’bout that runaway?
Hey feds, got news fer ya: They’re all doin’ it!
So, whyn’t cha lookin’ at Ford, GM, Chrysler, Honda, Suburu, VW, Mercedes n anybody else making cars with computer-driven throttles?
Ya might jist find that Windstar case.
But ya gotta look.
This mess might be a tad bigger than ya thought.
Might be a REAL runaway.
Or maybe just another auto bailout.
Ya kin reach me by droppin’ a line to my boss at joelthurtell@gmail.com
