Caroline’s diary — Training media

When the authors went on book tours, interviewers were instructed not to ask Ms. Kennedy any personal questions or pry into her family affairs.

The New York Times, January 17, 2009, “In Book World, Caroline Kennedy is a Powerhouse”

Oh dear Diary,

Isn’t it like really nice that the Times has finally seen, you know, the light? I mean, they were so hard on me when first they wrote about my anointment — oops — I guess I like should say my application to be anointed U.S. Senator since good old Uncle Dave, the governor, has not yet announced the lucky winner who, of course, will be — you know, me!

But then my friend Maureen put in her two cents and it seems like those thugs at the Times sort of figured out which side their, you know, bread is buttered upon.

Don’t worry, dear Diary, after I’m anointed those churls, you know, will all come to their senses, sort of. Once I have the power to, you know, leak cute little stories about what it’s like, like, inside the Senate, they’ll all come around.

Payola and blackmail, dear Diary, that’s what the media are all about.

If the queen is pleased, she will dole out her, you know, little gratuities.

But if she is displeased, she shall withhold.

Carrot and, like, stick.

Can you believe the New York Daily News actually, like, counting how many times I said, like, “you know” in an interview?

Can you, like, believe they counted to, you know, 200?

That’s like pretty darned obsessive, you know, compulsive if you, like, ask me!

I just think they’re nothing but a bunch of, like, hypocrites, dear Diary. Back in the day, like when I was doing those, you know, book tours and I was this oh-so-sought-after, sort of, celebrity author, you know, we would simply make up our own, like, rules and the rabble never complained. Don’t, like, ask me any personal questions, we told them.

And like good vassals, they obeyed.

I mean, that would seem to apply now when they ask about money things, you know, as in how much do I make and who, like, pays me?

Why have the rules, like, changed?

Why don’t I still, like, get to make them up?

What business is my finances to the rabble — I mean, you know, the public?

Who are they to, you know, make up rules?

The media proposes and, like, Caroline disposes.

Back in the day, you know, reporters sort of agreed not to ask pushy, nosy questions and we sort of paid them off like with a nice bland, you know,interview that helped them sell papers. None of this like high-horse “journalistic purity” stuff.

When I first said I wanted the anointment, for a while it was all meanness and, you know, spite.

But my friend Maureen taught them some manners. Oh yes, dear Diary, she can be oh-so-stern with others. You know, strident, like.

None of that, you know, high dowdgeon stuff when it comes to me, though.

At least she knows, like, class.

Somebody told me, like, to let my hair down and let those media types get to, you know, know me and they’ll like me.

I have a better idea, dear Diary: I’ll keep my hair up, you know.

I won’t let them get to know me.

That way, they’ll, you know, like me even better!

Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com