Caution: bridge ‘disturbed’

By Joel Thurtell

We, the staff of joelontheroad.com, found an odd document posted on the Internet.

It purports to be from Matthew Moroun, son of Detroit’s Ambassador Bridge titan Manuel “Matty” Moroun.

As journalists, we feel duty-bound to publish this document as a historical record.

However, we also feel obliged to point out that we believe, based on a reading of internal evidence in the document, that it is a fake.

Therefore, we must issue a warning to readers: Beware of fraudulent matter.

Whatever Matthew Moroun’s faults — all-consuming greed, overweening arrogance and shameless lack of scruples — we believe he could not be guilty of overwhelming stupidity.

Could he?

His father, after all, is a billionaire. Surely the father can afford to hire an editor.

An editor could prevent the son from making the kind of gross errors in logic and grammar that this statement contains.

Therefore, we are convinced that the “Matthew Moroun” whose name appears on top of the following record is a sham, a fake, a phony Moroun.

For instance, what imbecile would write, as the pseudo-Matthew Moroun has, that “the Ambassador Bridge is disturbed” by a judge’s ruling?

We would like to ask Matthew Moroun or his counterfeit counterpart how an inanimate object such as a steel and concrete bridge could be “disturbed” by any human-created event other than, say, a vehicular collision, or maybe an explosion in underground fuel tanks located near the bridge? We are aware that the Moroun family itself has damaged the bridge by neglecting to maintain it in other than superb condition for the comfort and safety of travelers, but we believe the fake Moroun intends to convey that the family bridge is emotionally disturbed by a judge’s ruling. We doubt that any bridge could feel psychological pain stemming from human behavior.

If the bridge’s alleged “disturbance” were the only egregiously dumb remark in this statement, we might let it pass and agree that the real Matthew Moroun was its author. But later in the document, the writer states, “The Ambassador Bridge can only conclude….” Now, who ever heard of a bridge that could think? Who ever heard of a hunk of metal and cement that could consider matters before it and draw logical conclusions? Whoever heard of a bridge being “concerned” about human political events? It is amazing to think that a pile of mortar and girders might pace in its footings at worry over a judge’s ruling, although that is what the ersatz Matthew Moroun would like us to believe.

The remainder of the statement — where to begin? — is a quagmire of ridiculous and downright ludicrous pomposities. We will reserve further comment. Here is the statement of “Matthew Moroun”:

November 3, 2001

Statement of Matthew Moroun (in response to Judge Edward’s Opinion and Order dated today):

The Ambassador Bridge is disturbed by the ruling of Judge Prentis Edwards, Sr. today. The evidence from prior hearings has showed (sic) that the Ambassador Bridge has built the disputed portions of the Gateway Project pursuant to the parties’ agreements and Judge Edwards’ orders.

The opinion issued today has no legal or factual basis. The Ambassador Bridge can only conclude that the politics in Lansing have influenced this lawsuit. The Ambassador Bridge is concerned that the following facts may have influenced this lawsuit. The Ambassador Bridge is concerned that the following facts may have influenced the Court’s decision:

1. Judge Edwards’s son, Prentis Edwards Jr., has sought approval from Governor Snyder to be an appointed judge to the 36th District Court.

2. The Michigan Legislature, to the dismay of Governor Rick Snyder, rejected legislation approving the State of Michigan’s involvement in a government bridge.

3. Governor Snyder continues to be the chief proponent of a government bridge, and vowed in Ottawa, Canada just yesterday that the government bridge will be built.

4. Remarkably, Judge Edwards has even ordered my father to appear before him under the threat of being jailed.

We have been bracing for a backlash stemming from the Senate Committee’s rejection of the Governor’s bridge. Now we have it.

The ramps from the freeway to the Ambassador Bridge are complete and the Ambassador Bridge is waiting on MDOT or the Court or the Governor to just open them for the benefit of the public.

-­-­END-­-

JOTR analysis:

First, our search of the Michigan Bar Directory database did not turn up a licensed attorney in Michigan named Matthew Moroun. Matthew Moroun is not an attorney, and certainly not a judge. He has no standing to say whether or not the judge’s ruling “has no legal or factual basis.” And, of course, the judge’s ruling DOES have factual and legal standing, by virtue of the facts that Prentis Edwards IS a member of the Michigan bar and he IS an elected judge.

What does Matthew Moroun’s “judgment” amount to?

Gas.

1. If it is true that Judge Edwards’ son is seeking judicial appointment, how does that relate to the Ambassador Bridge case that the senior Edwards is considering? The case was filed by the Michigan Department of Transportation years ago, before Rick Snyder was elected governor. There is no logical connection between the judicial case and any ambitions the younger Edwards might or might not have.

2. The Michigan Legislature has NOT rejected legislation to approve the state’s role in building a new international bridge between Canada and the U.S. at Detroit. To say the Legislature has acted is an outright lie. No, what actually happened is this: A committee of the Legislature composed of seven members voted or abstained from voting and prevented the entire Legislature from considering the bridge legislation. Six of the seven committee members accepted bribes — oops! we mean legal campaign contributions — from the Morouns.

3. Governor Snyder is NOT the only proponent of a new bridge. The governor was elected a year ago and only came out for a new bridge early this year. The Big Three automakers, chambers of commerce across the state, all living Michigan governors and every knowledgeable human being untouched by the Moroun’s corruption are in favor of the new bridge.

4. It is true that Judge Edwards has ordered Moroun senior to appear in court. The judge briefly jailed an employee of Matty Moroun, and if his honor finds the billionaire in contempt, he could indeed toss the billionaire into the slammer.

AND ABOUT TIME!

Why there has been all this judicial pussy-footing around the Moroun family is incomprehensible to us here at joelontheroad.com. The Morouns put their pants on one leg at a time, just like you and me. Why has it taken so long for the judge to threaten the real kingpin of the bridge, Matty Moroun, with time in stir?

Why has another judge allowed Matty Moroun to illegally squat on the city of Detroit’s public park land despite the city’s efforts to evict the billionaire in court starting three years ago?

The answer can only be that the Morouns have so polluted every corner of the bridge issue with money and eternal lawsuits that nobody involved in these matters can draw rational conclusions.

Far from a judge being “influenced” by some unproven relationship between his son and the governor, the showering by the Morouns of millions of dollars as gifts to elected officials and for political advertisements is a blatant and so far successful attempt at seducing and corrupting the governmental process.

Setting the corrupt Legislature aside, why has the judicial system taken so long to threaten Matty with jail?

Does anyone think that a non-billionaire who showed such contempt for our system would have escaped being jailed?

Drop me a line at joelthurtell@gmail.com