By Peter Pizzicato
Wannabe JOTR Music Critic
From: Peter Pizzicato
To: Noo Yawk Tam
Dear Tam Editor:
I wat to think you fer wunerful enlightnin articl re buy-ass gin Italic-Mericals like I is.
Now I no why editer joelontheroad.com no want prnt mi musik revoos.
Not cuz I bad writer!
Not cuz I spell for shit.
Not cuz lousy gramer.
Not cuz I dum eye-d-ot
No weigh!
It cuz I be Italic-Merical!
He prejudysioed!
QED.
(Quota et dum).
What a gud Italic-Merical gonna do?
I no!
I right nesty letr Noo Yawk Tam but no male.
I sho letr to editor joelontheroad.com.
I till him wut heppin he no prit mi revoos.
He gonna give me munney, two!
Cuz he no want firmativ eggshun.
I blekmale da bum!
He git scerred n prit mi artikl.
No want trubel wid Italics.
So think yu ver moch Noo Yawk Tam fer hep mi blekmale boss.
Sencirli,
Peter Pizzicatoes (sp)
Editor’s note: I would like to clarify a couple points. First, there has been no discrimination by JOTR against Mr. Pizzicato or Pizzicatoes because of his Italian-American, or Italic-Melical, orientation. Secondly, Mr. Pizzicato should know that it’s no use trying to shake me down, either to bully me into publishing his music “revoos,” or to shame me into paying him for anything of his that I publish. As an editor, I have by definition no shame. In addition, Mr. Pizzicato is fully aware that the only member of the JOTR staff who receives pay is our star columnist, Peppermint Patti, who receives daily food and treat alotments and has the fringe benefit of fully-paid health insurance.
