Joel on the road — what road?

By Joel Thurtell

I’m looking for a muskrat cook.

No, wait — that’s not how I wanted to start.

Actually, what I want to do is explain — to myself first, then to my loyal readers — what this thing is supposed to be.
I thought all I wanted was a website where I could post the kind of columns, more or less, that I’ve been writing the past several years for the Community Free Press.

I told webmaster Kelly Rinne I wanted to, maybe, expand on what I did for the Free Press. Instead of limiting my essays to 210 lines, due to the physical limits imposed by paper and press, in the digital world I would have unlimited web territory. And maybe I’d post some audio recordings of interviews, maybe even some video things I couldn’t easily do at the Free Press.
They tell me what I’m talking about is a “blog.” My college son, Abe, told me that audio-video stuff is called “podcasting.”
Whatever. Looks like I’m doing it, since I’m shopping for a camcorder.

I always wanted a newspaper. My own newspaper. I wanted to call the shots, control the content, write the stories I want to write and forget the rest. Now, thanks to what I call the “Gannett Grant,” aka a buyout, I can have a newspaper that I can call my own.
Okay, so it’s not a REAL newspaper. No PAPER. No PRINTING PRESS. So much the better. No presses, no trucks, no cumbersome delivery system. Low overhead. A blog.

It’s brand new, so I can call it anything I want. That’s been a problem, believe it or not —  too many good ideas. What a shame to have your paper (there I go, using old age language: paper? No — blog!) stumble because you couldn’t decide what to call it. In my early days of newspapering, when I was editor of the Berrien Springs Journal Era, John Gillette, the co-publisher, called me a “loose cannon.”

Why? Some day I’ll regale you with my take on how having a loose cannon as an editor (and reporter, writer, photographer, darkroom tech, columnist, editorial writer, layout person and occasional ad salesman) helped boost that paper’s circulation, and about how I would have changed that paper’s name instantly if it were mine so I could quit hearing “Journal Era – Urinal Era,” but right now let’s talk about how this blog got its name. I called my buddy David Crumm, who took the Free Press buyout also and is running a religion blog called www.readthespirit.com. David didn’t think much of “loose cannon.” Your domain name needs to be personal, he said, something about you. It needs to tell readers what you’re doing, namely an extension of your column writing by other means.

Think about “joelontheroad.com,” he said.
Hmmm. Joelontheroad. I like loose cannon. I even paid for loosecannonnews.com. But I asked my wife, my kids, others, and they all voted for joelontheroad.com. So that’s what you get. It makes sense. What road? Hey, I’ll write from anywhere, about anything I choose. And maybe about what you choose, too. Hey, this is a user-friendly blog.
After signing up with SoundQue.com in Trenton for web services, I had another thought. David and his wife Amy sent us a card last Christmas in which they wrote about my columns as “Joel unleashed.”

Hey! I like that! But in the Sunday, Dec. 9 Community Free Press, I tell readers about joelontheroad. So it’s a done deal. Set in print on PAPER by a REAL newspaper. Too late for “unleashed.” But a friend observed, “You’re already unleashed. You may be free of the Free Press, but you weren’t really leashed.”
Well, yes, except most of the unleashed stuff went into a drawer.

Here’s what you can look for in joelontheroad.com:
Each week, I will try to write what I still refer to in Old Talk as a “cover story.” It will be a long feature story with photos, similar to the ones I wrote for the Community Free Press.

The operative word is “try.” Remember, folks, I’m retired. Supposedly. And I’m working on two, no THREE books. I may keep writing Five Questions features, as I did for the Free Press. And maybe not. What do you think? Do you like that feature?
What really frustrated me at the Free Press was the fact that my readers in Downriver communities didn’t get to see what I was writing for my readers in Plymouth, Canton and Northville, nor could my PCN people read what I was telling them Downstream. Unless they went looking for it on the web, of course. Now, friends, I’m afraid you’ll have to go looking for me on the web, but with this advantage: Downriver people will see the same stories I dish out to the Upstream folks.
That’s bad news for Gibraltar. It means I’ll have to repeat my jokes about those three roads, all named “Gibraltar,” that converge on a post with three signs that say Gibraltar Rd. Hilarious. I mean, if you’re having a bad day, drive down to Gib and have a look at those signs. I meant to break that habit, but blame it on Gannett and the buyout. I can’t help it. By the way, while you’re in Gib, stop in for a great lunch at a restaurant called Mirage. I like Gibraltar, so you’ll be seeing more stories about that town.
Here’s something else really neat about this blog thing. With the Old Paper, I was banned from writing about communities that didn’t receive the Sunday Community Free Press. So “Downriver” didn’t really mean Downriver. I couldn’t write about River Rouge or Ecorse or Melvindale, for instance, though they are about as Downriver as you can get. The CFP didn’t go there, so neither did I. But now, hey! I AM unleashed!

In general, you can expect to read stories about the Rouge River, about flying, about how things are done or made. Remember when I blew a vase from molten glass, played the Our lady of Good Counsel pipe organ, welded a pencil holder, rowed in a Wyandotte Boat Club shell, carved a dolphin out of ice, played dodge-ball with a bunch of kids? That sort of thing. If you have an idea for some crazy lark you prefer not to do, but might wish onto to me, please email me at joelthurtell(a)gmail.com
I will write about anything that interests me in Wayne County or anywhere I please. When I visit my son Adam in Los Angeles, I’ll post to joelontheroad.com. I won’t have the benefit of those fine Free Press photographers, editors and copy editors I got used to. In fact, I’ll be doing that work myself. Get used to typos and semantic bloopers. But I’ll be free of the newspaper bureaucracy and of a 44-mile-a-day commute. That is what it means, partly, to be unleashed.
Oh yes, I almost forgot. I will be selling ads. First it will be through online ad services, but I hope soon to sell ads to local businesses, governments, churches, schools, nonprofits and individuals. Remember this, all you advertising directors: joelthurtell(a)gmail.com.

My office manager will be Peppermint Patti, our little white fuzzball of a dog. Upstream readers may recall our $1,500 Patti from a column last year. By now, she’s the $2,000 dog. Emergency Veterinary Service will be hearing from me about advertising, believe me.
What I really want to do is have fun. If I’m curious about something, I’ll check it out. If you’re curious about something, email me. If it piques my interest, I may write it up.
Oh yes, it’s true. I am looking for a muskrat cook. No, smarty, not a muskrat who cooks. I need someone – a human! — who actively, enthusiastically, creatively and delectably prepares muskrat to eat.

What for? I have a story in mind.