By Joel Thurtell
Watch out, NRA. My PAL’s gonna get you.
Before I tell you about my PAL, though, I’d like to share the big scare I got today, October 2, 2010, when I opened a letter addressed to me from the National Rifle Association.
The NRA said it’s asking “patriotic Americans like you” to join their cause.
Did you know that a small cabal of liberal Democratic lawmakers is conspiring against us patriots?
“Unless you act now,” the NRA told me, “your Second Amendment rights are certain to be dismantled and destroyed.”
Wow! That scared me about as much as the black bear that swam near my boat last summer in Georgian Bay.
I know about those bears. They are tough hombres. Well, not hombres, exactly, because that’s the Spanish word for “man.” Tough customers they are. Why, one of those black bears actually broke into a refrigerator at our neighbor’s place in Canada and made off with a half-gallon of strawberry ice cream!
Jiminy Crewcut!
Scary stuff.
Know what’s REALLY scary? Pistol-totin’ people with guns in public places. Like bars. Four states allow pistol-packers in taverns. Now THAT scares me!
But the NRA says we’re losing our gun-totin’ rights. I sat up and paid attention when I read the NRA’s prayer that I join them by paying them $25 (a discount from the regular $35 membership fee!!) for a year of protection from liberal lawmakers poised to steal my prized “Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms.”
“Because your firearm freedoms and your hunting and shooting traditions are under attack like never before.”
“THEY WANT TO MAKE FIREARMS OWNERSHIP A PRIVILEGE–NOT A RIGHT!”
Now, that might scare me, except I thought about that black bear who swam near my boat last summer, all the while ignoring my stupid human shouts to attract his attention. When you’ve got strawberry ice cream in mind, humans yelling from boats are of no consequence.
I also thought about those concealed pistols in the bars and wondered which way the firearms erosion is flowing. Seems like Second Amendment buffs are getting MORE rights, not less.
As I listened to my neighbors in Ontario telling stories about their encounters with bears busting into kitchens, I decided it was time to take measures. Gotta protect me and my family. No bear’s gonna heist my ice cream!
Gotta have a gun.
But in Canada, they’ve done what the NRA is so scared of: They made firearms ownership a privilege, rather than a right.
Know what? It’s not a bad idea.
Let me tell you about my PAL.
“PAL” is short for “Possession and Acquisition License.”
In Canada, you can purchase and keep a non-restricted firearm (long guns like rifles and shotguns) if you take a class in firearm safety and pass a written and practical test.
There’s a bit more to it than that. For instance, you can’t have been convicted of a felony. To prove it, you need a certificate of good behavior from your local police department.
You need references from people who will attest that you are a responsible person.
Your spouse, if you have one, must sign that he or she is okay with your possessing firearms.
What’s so bad about that?
Hey, you don’t even have to take the class. You can do what’s called “challenging the exam.” That’s what I did. I studied a book called “Canadian Firearms Safety Course,” and when I was sure I’d learned the basics of firearm safety, I took and passed the test.
Nobody said I can’t have a gun. The Canadians simply want to be sure I’m not likely to turn a firearm against someone else.
They’re also concerned about the high incidence of firearms used to commit suicide. So the PAL form has questions about my mental health.
I’m sane as can be, if you ask me — even if I do yell at bears.
Of course, in the end, the mounties can’t stop someone with a PAL from shooting up a bar or robbing a bank or killing him or herself.
But what’s so bad about insisting that anyone who keeps a firearm be trained in the rudiments of firearm safety?
Make firearms ownership a privilege, not a right?
Sounds reasonable to me.
Drop me a line at joelthurtell@gmail.com
