Boy, Dear Diary, I was like blown away by that “sweet,” you know, column by my old pal Maureen of the Times.
Wasn’t that a nice, sort of, column she wrote about my trying to like get anointed to be a Senator?
Lots of times, Maureen is, you know, downright mean and snarky.
So it came like a bolt from the you know blue when I opened my newspaper and at last found some kind words.
Maureen doesn’t think it’s at all, you know, bad that I don’t want to talk about why I want to be a sort of Senator.
Maureen says, like, there’s nothing wrong with me being part of a, you know, political dynasty.
Wasn’t it sweet that she called Grampa Joe a, sort of, “wily patriarch”? She could have said, like, lots of awful things, but that would be mean, and Maureen is saving her meanness for like politicians.
Oh boy can she be, like, mean when she wants to be.
But she wasn’t mean to me, even though I kind of refused to say where my money comes from.
Now, if Bad Bill Clinton did that, boy would Maureen skewer the Big Dog.
Hey, I think she like did get on Bill’s case about that. And lots of other, you know, stuff.
But Maureen knows I’m not a politician. Even if I, you know, get anointed Senator, that still won’t make me, like, a politician.
So Maureen won’t have to skewer me like she does it to Bad Bill.
I like that she didn’t, sort of, give me a nickname like she does for Bad Bill and Bubble-Boy W Bush and Darth Cheney.
But see, she’s like my friend, I think, ’cause she wrote, “I know Caroline Kennedy. She’s smart, cultivated, serious and unpretentious. The Senate, shamefully sparse on profiles in courage during Dick Cheney’s reign of terror, would be lucky to get her.”
It doesn’t matter to Maureen that, like, I won’t tell people where my money comes from. Like, I’m rich! What more do they, like, need to know? Politicians like rightly should disclose, but I’m not, you know, like I said, a politician.
So what if I won’t, like, answer questions?
Since when does a Senator, like, answer questions?
Senators give, you know, speeches and stuff.
I just wish my friend Maureen had not, sort of, mentioned me along with lowlifes like Jesse Helms, Strom Thurmond and Robert Torricelli.
Hey, Dear Diary, who is Robert Torricellli, anyway?
Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com
