My pal Newt

By Joel Thurtell

I like Newt.

I can’t say it too often — Newt Gingrich is the greatest!

I owe Newt a big debt of gratitude, because it was Newt who nudged me off the dime and into the race for POTUS.

President of the United States.

That could be me, thanks to my pal, Newt.

I’m running for President!

It was Newt’s steadfast quest for book sales above political considerations that inspired me to do the same.

I’m pushing my own books now, in hopes all the attention my titles attracts to me will buoy my campaign for the Highest Office in the Land.

Leader of the Free World.

Oh, I know, what with the Internet, everything in the world is free.

Anyway, I like Newt, which is why I’m sorry I’m going to have to throw him to the wolves.

Or sharks.

Or whatever creatures dine on hypocritical political wannabes.

I just can’t wait to debate with Newt.

See, I am not a flip-flopper.

I’m gonna  point this out when I get into a debate with Newt.

Especially on the health care issue.

I’ve been a single-payer guy all along.

Call it socialized medicine if you like, but that is what I want.

Newt does too.

But he claims he doesn’t.

Voters can choose between me, who comes right out and says I want the government to provide health insurance to everyone in the country, including people who are here without visas.

Or, they can vote for Newt, who says he deplores Obamacare now, because he thinks it’s what core Republican voters want to hear.

But I’ll point out to our debate audience that when the time was ripe to sign checks from wealthy interest groups who profit from various aspects of Obamacare or the Bush Medicare drug plan, Newt bellied up to the trough with the best of the government contractors.

I don’t have any government contracts.

Who you gonna trust, Newt or me?

Oh yeah, about my books. If you want to support my campaign, please order my books. They’re all on amazon. Here are my titles:

Up the Rouge! Paddling Detroit’s Hidden River

Plug Nickel

Seydou’s Christmas Tree

Shoestring Reporter: How I Got To Be A Big City Reporter Without Going to J School, and How You Can Do It Too!

Cross Purposes, Or, If Newspapers had Covered the Crucifixion

Christmas is near. These books make great gifts.

Please order.

Make my day — help my campaign for President.

Thanks from all of us at Hardalee Press.