Ambassador Bridge. Joel Thurtell photo.
By Joel Thurtell
At last, Matty Moroun admits he doesn’t own the Ambassador Bridge.
Some legal-minded people no doubt will claim that Matty is posing, that the holding company that supposedly owns the bridge is really a puppet controlled by Matty.
Or that he’s rigged it so his family are the true owners.
Critics will say that however Matty cuts it, no matter how he twists and misconstrues things, the real owner of the bridge is none other than Matty.
I say let’s take Matty at his word.
He doesn’t own the bridge.
The question of whether he shows up in court next week to face the consequences of disobeying a judge’s orders is really immaterial.
Who cares if Matty goes to court?
It’s a red herring.
The real question is: If Matty and heirs don’t own the Ambassador, who does?
The short, swift answer is: Me!
That’s right!
No sooner had Matty relinquished control of the bridge than I swooped in to fill the vacuum.
I’m in charge of the bridge!
Shotgun totin' goon. Joel Thurtell photo.
The shotgun totin’ goon answers to me.
I’ll tell you one thing: I’ll be in court on January 12.
I’m not afraid of a judge.
If the court wants someone to take responsibility for that bridge, I’m up to it.
I look on that court hearing as cheap theater.
If the judge wants to give me a stage, I’ll step up.
It’s a chance to show him and the world my plan for the bridge.
As owner of the Ambassador Bridge, I’ll announce that I’m dropping my opposition to the new government bridge.
Matty was always afraid the new bridge would drain toll money away from the Ambassador.
In my plan, the loss of those tolls won’t matter.
All that “lost” money will be replaced with a new source of revenue.
I’m also going to quit bluffing about building a second bridge right next to the Ambassador.
Anyone with half a wit could see that the former owner couldn’t possibly build a “twin” to the Ambassador.
In looking over the paperwork I got as new owner, I see that I don’t own the property in Detroit where I’d have to place the bridge.
Ambassador Bridge seen from Riverside Park. Joel Thurtell photo.
That property is part of the city of Detroit’s Riverside Park.
The city won’t sell, and even if it did, there’d be lawsuits left and right from the feds and the state and who knows what other people who’d get all riled up that I wanted to steal a public park.
The old owner liked to sue people, keep the other side tied up in court.
Great way to stall the future.
But the future is here, I own the bridge, and my plan requires the good will of everyone if I’m going to make myself a billionaire like Matty Moroun.
Besides, a twin bridge would suck all sorts of traffic away from the Ambassador.
Okay, are you ready for my plan?
First, some personal history.
I grew up in Lowell, a small town in western Michigan that sits on both sides of the Flat River.
Main Street in Lowell is actually M-21, the state highway between Grand Rapids and Flint.
But in Lowell, Main Street/M-21 is a bridge.
And on either side of that bridge there are stores.
Know what? In the 1930s, my maternal grandfather had his meat market and grocery store in a building that still faces the Main Street bridge.
Today, that building is a bed and breakfast.
It still sits on pilings in the river.
Having stores and restaurants and hotels on a bridge is not a nutty idea!
Why, they’ve been doing it in Italy for centuries.
Check out the Ponte Vecchio in Florence.
“Ponte Vecchio” means “Old Bridge,” which proves the idea has been around.
So there you have it.
What will the new owner make of the Ambassador?
Bigger than Twelve Oaks, bigger than Fairlane, bigger than Somerset.
The Ambassador — World’s Biggest Shopping Mall on a Bridge!
Drop me a line at joelthurtell(at)gmail.com
