Rattlesnake defense

By Joel Thurtell

Doesn’t the Detroit Zoo keep current snake antivenin on hand?

Or do they just hand out-dated medicine to dogs, keeping the current supply for people?

Those were some of the questions raised and not answered in a Sunday, September 26, 2010 Detroit Free Press article about an alleged attack on a dog by an Eastern Massasauga rattlesnake.

Never mind that the word is “antivenin,” not “antivenom” as repeatedly and mistakenly printed in the story.

There are bigger lapses in this yarn.

What bugs me is the whole idea that the poor dog was “attacked” by the snake.

How, I’d like to know, did the dog provoke the snake?

Massasaugas are shy, reclusive creatures.

Most times when people are bitten by Massasaugas it’s because they either tried to handle the snake or stumbled upon it without seeing it.

Their venom is part of their digestive system — it not only kills food prey, but breaks down the cells as the snake ingests it.

When a Massasauga strikes, it is a defensive act.

The snake is under attack, or perceives that it is.

That’s why I wonder what this dog did to the snake.

The story doesn’t provide an answer, though it suggests one: The dog’s snout seems to have taken the bite.

Maybe the dog tried to grab the snake?

Why not say that? Because the answer might reverse the sympathetic flow of the story?

“Dog attacks snake, learns hard lesson,” would make a very different story.

People feel sorry for dogs. They don’t like snakes.

But in the case of this dog, let’s be fair. The dog weighs how much?

A hundred fourteen pounds.

Even if the snake, as described by the dog owner, was three-and-a-half feet long and as thick as a person’s arm, its weight would be what — maybe two pounds?

That’s a 57:1 weight ratio in favor of the mutt.

But I don’t believe those measurements. Massasaugas tend to be much much smaller than that. Show me the snake, dead or alive. Otherwise, it’s a fish story.

Bull fish.

How about this whopper:

Encounters with the Eastern Massasauga rattlesnake are rare, but anecdotally seem to be on the rise, said Jeff Jundt, curator of reptiles at the Detroit Zoo.

Somewhere in the training program of this “curator” there must have been a smidgeon of scientific study. Didn’t anyone teach him that observations like “anecdotally seem to be on the rise” are meaningless? What would you count, “encounters” or “anecdotes”?

Or zookeepers telling tall tales?

Helps the story, though. On a bright Sunday morning, it gives readers pause about walking across their lawn barefoot.

Might be a three-and-a-half-foot zookeeper out there telling tales about the rise of snake attacks.

Another question: Why do newspapers print such bunk?

Here are some things to keep in mind about Massasaugas:

Drop for drop, their venom is more toxic that that of larger rattlesnakes like the Western Diamondback.

Massasaugas are born with venom. Baby Massasaugas can inject a lethal dose of venom. Some years ago, a girl died in Georgian Bay from being bitten by infant Massasaugas.

While shy and reclusive, Massasaugas are not an animal you want to mess with.

And if a snake bites you or your dog, it’s because you or your animal threatened it.

Massasaugas don’t attack. They defend.

Drop me a line at joelthurtell@gmail.com